This is for my Aunt Norine.
My mother-in-law's sister, Nornie, (Jennifer's aunt and therefore my aunt too) sent me a cute and sassy email the other day looking for a much promised update to my blog May 19. She wrote, "Excuse me … but it must be my technological incompetence that is hampering me from accessing your next blog update so passionately promised for May 19 because I am sure you are as good as your word!!!!!"
The truth is Aunt Norine.. I am obviously not as good as my word? But I have been trying. Especially these days.
I write this because I have been struggling recently with my so called 'words'. I recognize and perhaps you have too that I have been a little more crusty recently and have done and said some things since the dreaded day in 2006 when I was diagnosed that the old Barry Larock just wouldn't have mustered enough courage to follow through with. Gone are the days of me being as quiet as a mouse and listening before speaking. Today, I say what's on my mind and haven't been too afraid of who hears it.
I suppose, however, that all comes with the fact that with time potentially running out one might say to himself "who gives a rats ass what people will think."
And so I have spoken, wrote or did some things that others might scorn at. Not to hurt people of course but to be honest to myself and air out my feelings. It has been enlightening to say the least to speak up against and for things I truly believe in. I feel better when I say what is on my mind and I believe I have been healthier for it. I'm certainly not going to get into any specific details of what I have wrote or said since 2006 but I will tell you that sometimes expressing your feelings and being truthful can be fabulous.
To this enlightenment I owe two friends. I've learned from a couple of good friends of mine that being honest with people and your initial feelings is very important to a good solid relationship. Jamie Batley, who has become an exceptional friend over the past few years has taught me to 'call people out' if someone is telling me something I think might be misleading from the truth. Jamie has strong opinions on matters and speaks his mind openly. He will out right call someone a liar if he thinks they are lieing to him. I know, he's done it to me. But I respect him for that because quite honestly he caught me lying and in the end I told him the truth. For that, we are much better friends.
My other friend is Lee Stephens. Lee is the type of person who does what's right for Lee and what's right for Lee's family. He has never cared what people think of him and has even confronted people face to face if he has heard a rumour about him behind his back. Lee's a good person with a good heart and I know he and his family will be there for my family should they eventually need him.
Lee Stephens will tell you the way he feels no matter what you might think afterwards. He is so honest, its scary. We used to be neighbours with the Stephen's and one day Lee and I disagreed on a subject. I called him a liar over the phone because of course its always easier to call someone a liar over the phone. The problem was that it wasn't ten seconds after I called him a liar with my ear to the phone that there was a knock on my front door. Lee was at the door, phone in hand, and wanted me to step outside for a face-to-face conversation. Somehow in my wisdom to call him a liar, I had forgotten he lived across the road.
I suppose the point of this blog is to first apologize if I have offended anyone recently with my comments or actions. I will blame it on the fact I have cancer. We can blame everything on the stinking disease can't we?
But, I won't apologize for being so honest. I think its made me deal with having cancer better in that I no longer suffer the stress of having something build up inside me as this is certainly not healthy. Trust your instinct I say and be honest with yourself, your friends and even your enemies. Follow my lead now, before you get sick, and speak, write and email with honesty. You will be a better person for it.
My cousins Grant and Liz Holohan are involved in the Ride to Conquer Cancer.
What I knew but forgot to mention here in my blog is that Grant and Liz have dedicated their ride to me this year. Now that's an honour.
If you would like to learn more about their ride and or make a donation, please follow the link to Grant and Liz's blog at http://www.conquercancer.ca/site/TR/Events/Toronto2009?px=1382437&pg=personal&fr_id=1261&fl=en_US&et=lI61B8hZsT27i5oftz_aSQ..&s_tafId=114156
As you are aware, every little bit counts to help find an end to this terrible disease.
Thanks for reading and sharing.... next blog, June 22, 2009... (maybe)