5th Day of Chemo - June 10, 2008

Father's Day has a whole new meaning this year.

In the past, the day was simply another event during the calendar year in which I got to see my father. As we get older, we begin to realize slowly just how fortunate we are to have our parents still around. And I'm especially lucky because my mom and dad still live close by and we do see them rather frequently. But this year, it's all going to be different.

I know my mom is having a tough time with my current condition. She's always been there for me and has looked after me forever. Jennifer still gets angry at times when my mother sticks up for me in her very sweet way of trying to keep me from harm. It's a Moms right to care and love for her child the way my mom does with me. She certainly doesn't want any harm to come to me and I know she's angry that all this is happening to her baby boy. I have to be strong so she can be strong too.

And I have to be strong for my father too. Back when everything was good (And I like to refer to that period as prior to 2006), my father would simply go with the flow. He would come to the house, do the odd thing to help out, serve his time at the family gathering, but honestly he was a lot like me and he would simply by his time until the end of the event, when he would say, "Come'on Lorraine, it's time to go home".

But not anymore. I can sense that my Dad aches when he see me these days. I know that he loves me and that he feels terrible for what I am going through. He's sorry, he wants to help but he knows there's not much he can do. I feel for him, especially now that I am a father, and in the same way, I too feel sorry for Trent and his pain with this entire misadventure. It's simply not fair .

The one thing my father never did as I grew up was too allow me to feel sorry for myself. He told me too many times "just do what you could do and have fun doing it". And that was always good enough for him. He wanted me to play sports and so I did, to the best of my ability. And it was a good solid respectable way of life for me. So good that it pushed me in the career I am in today and without my father's respect and admiration I certainly would not have 3 Mann Cup rings to my credit nor the experience of coaching professional lacrosse for the past four seasons.

I was also lucky enough to get his great personality. Everybody loves my Dad. He's funny, quirky, easy to talk too, a great listener and the best damn thing about him is that he's out there in the community for the kids, not himself. And if you're one of my top thousand friends you'll see similar qualities in me. Confidence included.

So today, Friday, after a long week of dragging my ass after chemo injection number 5, I went out today and bought my father a Father's Day gift. Honestly, it's probably the first that I have personally purchased for him ever. I know that sounds disgusting but that's the way it has been for the past 43 years. Like I said things now are different. I feel good about the gift. I feel good about inviting my parents and my brother and my sister to my house on Sunday for an afternoon Father's Day Lunch. I'm not going to say this might be the last Father's Day but I will say that it will be a memorable and emotional one.

And I'm going to hug and kiss my father on Sunday like never before. Because I know what he's feeling inside. And I want him to know that I do love him.

***

My sister Beth took me to Toronto this past Tuesday for my 5th Chemo injection. The day went rather smooth until the end when she announced that she didn't want me to write about her in my blog. I laughed and said, "the blog is simply a way to express my feelings Beth. I would never mean to offend anyone."

Beth has had a tough week with some extensive internal water damage at her house due to a crack in their bathroom toilet. So I suppose I'll decline from writing about her. If I were so inclined however, I was simply going to write about how nice it was to talk to her one-on-one for that day without family, parents and others around. You see, we rarely get to visit like that without others. My sister is a smart, beautiful woman who loves me as much as my mother and father do. She's been beside me at Sick Kids, Toronto General and now Princess Margaret through thick and thin. She's kind, generous and would do anything for me and my family. If there's one thing about these trips to Toronto is that there is always a silver lining. Being with a cherished family member for those eight hours is time well spent..... thank you.

Thanks for reading and sharing...

Next Blog - The 6th Chemo Visit.... June 18, 2008