3rd Day of Chemo - May 20, 2008

This is my first blog following my week off from Chemo. Welcome back.. and yes, I'm still here.

You see my treatment is set in cycles whereas as I go one Tuesday, then the next and then I am off for a week to allow the body to recover from all the chemo that's left in my body. What I mean by recover is that the chemo destroys both bad cells (cancer) and good cells (white and red blood cells) so your body must have time to recoup those good cells (raise the white and red blood cells) before the next cycle of treatments.

Besides, I really didn't feel like writing last week. I took a vacation you might say. I didn't read my book by Eckert Tolle but instead played video games, watched movies and even took up cooking for Trent and Jennifer because I know how rough it is for her coming home from work and preparing supper. From work routine to home routine, we all go through it. But for now, we're in a different situation so I am taking up some of that responsibility (when I'm up for it) and it feels good being able to contribute.

So here we are.. cycle 2 or chemo treatment 3. Yesterday, my brother Blair showed up at 8:30 am for the ride to T.O. and Princess Margaret Hospital. Blair, my second brother and the one closest in age to me by 6 years, is a teacher and lives in Lakefield with his wife Jane and they have two beautiful daughters, Renee and Abby. Abby's going to have a baby soon and so I'll be a great uncle for the third time. But of course, Renee and Abby already know that I am their GREATEST Uncle.

Upon arrival at the PMH, I received my plastic card that read number 66 for blood giving only to look and find they were currently serving number 29 on the large neon sign. "It doesn't take that long to call your number" I said to Blair. But it was long enough for me to start worrying, because my appointment with the doctor (Dr. Sui) was for 11:30 am and still not given blood at 10:55 am. I gave blood around 11:05 am and made it to the appointment office to check in. But, of course, I had to wait until 12:10 pm to actually see the Doctor as the blood count had to get from the lab to my doctor first to ensure the levels were good for today's treatment. A little tip for non-frequent hospital goers... The first thing about hospitals is 'BE PREPARED TO WAIT.' I learned that a long time ago.

While waiting in the doctor's office I sat across from a gentlemen who I did not know. Or did I? He had an obvious scar in the same general location as I do on his neck and near his ear. He was about my age and waiting to see the same doctor. And I noticed his wife, spouse or girlfriend who looked very similar to Jennifer, also in this situation, nervous and in an obvious state of despair.

But it was not until I looked back at the man and deep into his eyes that I realized I was looking at myself. I could sense the nervousness that comes with every appointment. I could see in his eyes that he was sick and tired of this disease. And I could feel from his body image that it was crying out to say help me, help me to get better.

No it was me alright and I wanted to stand up and walk over and say, "I know exactly what you are going through". But I didn't... and why? I don't know. Today, I'm kicking myself in the ass because I didn't have the balls to stand up and say hello. I guess we are all so concerned with our own lives that we forget others who are crying out for help. Take the situation in China or Myanmar for example. Two distinct events with enormous tragic loss of lives in the past two weeks. For me, I feel very sorry for those families who have lost loved one so quickly without a chance to say goodbye. The dead, on the hand, didn't know it was coming and for the most part their lives were taken so quickly. Taken to school one morning and never to be seen again, buried beneath the rubble. In Myanmar, people were whisked away while standing next to a loved one, a body ripped out of the hand of another and taken away. This is incomprehensible to me.

I should have stood up and walked over the man. For we are the lucky ones when you compare to those events. We get to have our family close for now. We get to share in whatever time is left with our familes and friends. Hell, we could even plan to throw a whale of a goodbye party if we wanted too. The point is that you have to be thankful for what you have today not what you want tomorrow.

And furthermore, we certainly should have HOPE because we we are at the best hospital in Ontario and have faith that these doctors know what they are doing and they are going to stop, slow down or control what growing in our bodies. So I should have stood up and walked over the man and said...

"Do you know just how lucky we are?"

Maybe next week I'll take a stroll by the doctors office to see if the same man (or another perhaps) is waiting with the same look in his eyes and give him that message. A message that has long been my philosophy on life.

There is no future for any of us really. We can look at the past but we can't live in the past. And the future is not here yet, not even one-second of the future is here because when it is, it is the present. We have to live in the present and enjoy every moment that we are breathing and our heart is beating. Don't take for granted what you have in your life right now. Because it can be torn away in an instant.

The rest of the day went fairly smoothly. After the doctors office, I had quick X-Ray to see if anything in the form of pneumonia was stirring in the lungs then it was off to get chemo. Don't worry, the doctor called by the time I got home and said there was no pneumonia in the lungs... whew!

Brother Blair came in with me to the chemo room and had his eyes opened, I would have hope. This disease effects alot of people. Did you know there are 37 beds or chairs in the chemo room that is busy seven days a week for at least 8 hours per day giving people chemotheraphy to stop, slow or rid this disease. You do the math people. And it's just not seniors. There are people younger than me, the same age and then there are people in their 60s, 70s and 80s. It can effect anyone at anytime.

First poke and the I.V. was in this time and then after one hour of chemo it was out the door and home. Quicker that my first two appointments. My brother lit up a cigarette on the way to the parking garage and I didn't say anything... again. It's sad but I guess he didn't get the message.

So I'll stand up and say it now... BLAIR, TRY TO STOP SMOKING!

Thanks for reading and sharing...

Next Blog - Chemo Treatment #4 ... May 27, 2008